One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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