Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
