I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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