is your mom at the bar?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
