You're my little dorito
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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