I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
