just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize