She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
