I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
