It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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