just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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