She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
