my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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