He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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