it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
