I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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