I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
