So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
