Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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