It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
