last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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