Don't make out with my wife yet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
