She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
