So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
