The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
