yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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