I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
