And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found the puke drawer
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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