i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
