The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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