Ambien. No doubt about it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
