I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
