I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
