I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this must be what syphilis tastes like
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
