i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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