it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
