Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
