I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
