My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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