I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
