12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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