i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
