Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
