the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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