So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
