im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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