My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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