I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love accidental penises.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
