Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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