Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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