You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
