We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
