they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
