I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
