moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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