saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
