Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
