gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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