Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
