Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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