oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it because I queefed?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
