Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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