May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
