Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
