he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
