just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
