dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
