I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
