so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize