There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
