Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize