I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
