a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
