wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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