I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
