Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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