She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
