just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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