i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
