If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i believe in u and ur pee
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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