it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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