This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
