had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
